Smile No Smile
by Marian of the Faeries
Summary: Draco's thoughts before one of the most important events of his life. Songfic to "Private Goes Public" by Suzanne Vega.


Title: Smile No Smile  
Author: Marian of the Faeries  
Author e-mail: marianfaerie@home.se  
Author homepage:   
Rating: PG  
Categories: Songfic   
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.  
Summary: Draco's thoughts before one of the most important events of his life. Songfic to "Private Goes Public" by Suzanne Vega.  
A/N: The complete lyrics can be found at the end of the fic.  
  
As the first rays of sunlight crept through his window, a smile graced Draco Malfoy's lips. The memory of his dream lingered, making him reluctant to leave his warm bed and face the day. If he closed his eyes he imagined he still could see those beautiful green eyes looking back at him. He had dreamed of a certain someone, of understanding, of love, but he knew that a dream was all it could ever be. This certain someone would never even look at him in that way, especially after today. The smile quickly vanished from his lips when he remembered what day it was.  
  
_Smile no smile  
On this face today  
Jerk like a thing on a string  
and go join the parade_  
  
This wasn't something he had chosen to do. But he had obeyed his father's wishes all his life, was it even possible to start resisting now? A puppet that doesn't dare to cut his strings, fearing the consequences. Too afraid of falling. No matter how much he resented it, that was who he was. So he would join them, his so-called friends, today. As his father's son, he would claim his birthright.  
  
_Code will keep your privacy in  
It won't help to win friends,  
Influence strangers or otherwise  
be in the swim  
_  
Sometimes he wished that he'd been born someone else. Like Potter. Everyone loved him for something he had no choice in becoming, just like everyone hated Draco for something _he_ had no choice in becoming. Maybe, if Draco were someone else, he too could have had true friends; maybe people would have admired him and listened to what he said just like they did to Potter. Maybe he could have been loved. But Potter was born for all that, and Draco was born for this.  
  
_Mask will keep your features in check  
Cause face is the place where  
the private goes public  
and steps through the gate_  
  
If he was careful enough, no one would see what he really thought of all this. His face would be a mask; just like the faceless masks his father's associates were wearing. It would disguise the disgust, the reluctance, the contemptuous sneer that almost, but not quite, showed at the corners of his mouth. No curling of the fists, no tense posture or frightened eyes would betray him when he stood in front of Lord Voldemort, the most feared wizard of the century.

* * *

That evening an excited group of people assembled at the heavily warded manor. Draco watched all of them arrive from where he stood at his father's side, playing his part as the well-mannered, dutiful son.  
  
Goyle arrived with his mother and father, grinning stupidly at Draco. He gave him a brief nod. It would take someone as dim-witted as Goyle to be enthusiastic about joining the most deluded and cruel sect in existence. But Draco knew that it wasn't that simple; Zabini and a few others of his more intelligent housemates would also be joining them tonight.  
  
As the son of the Dark Lord's most trusted servant and the evening's host, Draco was given the honour of being the first to walk through the heavy oak doors. An honour he would gladly relinquish.  
  
It was time.  
  
His father clapped him on the shoulder in a rare show of affection, and smiled, a true smile for once, at him.  
  
"I'm very proud of you, my son."  
  
Draco knew he should smile back at his father, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wouldn't rebel against his father's decisions, but he couldn't give his father that. This would be his last show of defiance. _I'm not proud of_ you_, father.  
  
Take your last kick now at any regime  
Smile no smile  
See if they see what you mean_  
  
His father was only passing over his strings to Voldemort. _Oh, great Lord Puppeteer, I bow before thee._  
  
With the haughty mask firmly in place and a proud posture, every inch an aristocratic pureblood, he pushed the heavy doors open. With a last wistful thought about goodness and light – things that were not to be his – he left behind all hopes of choosing his own destiny and everything that differentiated him from his father, and stepped through the doorway.   
  
  
  
  
Acta est fabula, plaudite!  
  
_[The play is over, applaud!]_

* * *

__

Smile no smile  
On this face today  
Jerk like a thing on a string  
and go join the parade  
  
Code will keep your privacy in  
It won't help to win friends,  
Influence strangers or otherwise  
be in the swim  
  
Mask will keep your features in check  
Cause face is the place where  
the private goes public  
and steps through the gate  
  
Take your last kick now at any regime  
Smile no smile  
See if they see what you mean  
  
Suzanne Vega — "Private Goes Public"


End file.
